Readers of PLM Book #3 may have wondered about the book Eden gets from Arthur and takes home, entitled “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by Ramani Durvasula PhD.
It’s a real book. And a really FASCINATING book.
Before I read it, I thought a narcissist was just a vain person. And some are.
But for others the actual diagnosis is much, much darker.
Although the book explains far better than I can, roughly speaking, a pathological Narcissist (which the book deals with) cannot avoid acting like a self-absorbed 8 year old at all times. When things are going well, no problem; they can be charming and pleasant. But when things go bad, there is no adult behavior – only childishness.
The lack of adult behavior also precludes most adult emotions – but all the infantile ones. Impulse control, anger control, possessiveness, vengefulness, vindictiveness, and so on are all present, and at a child’s level. If you’ve encountered someone who acts like a child when things don’t go their way, you may not be dealing with someone who is acting like a child – they may actually be a child emotionally.
But even that is not as bad as it can get. Narcissism is also part of the makeup of many sociopaths, and the true narcissists often have complete contempt for others – their feelings, their lives – even their existence. I like to compare it to the scene in the first “Lord of the Rings” when Frodo puts on the ring and everyone becomes misty and hard to see. I believe Narcissists don’t actually see people as people, just useful tools to manipulate to get what they want. As such, they can be very, very cruel.
The book is mainly about people in relationships with pathological Narcissists, especially romantic ones, and whether to endure or leave (stay or go), but the book applies to everyone – bosses, relatives, coworkers. It’s very well balanced, leaving the decision up to the reader, and providing solutions to people whether they leave or decide to put up with the narcissist.
If you’ve ever wondered why a particular person doesn’t act like an adult, it may be because they cannot – and then this book will open your eyes as it opened mine (and Gwen’s)!
